From reflection to reform

She’d kill me if she saw this but…i doubt she reads my posts anyway 🤣😊💗 Love this girl so much

After a few days of reflecting on the things that have brought me to where I am today, I decided to do something I do a lot with clients in therapy. I have found that many times our unhappiness comes from the difference between our ideal picture and our reality. Sometimes, our realities are just awful. It’s not that we want too much, it’s just that things have gotten out of control, or were never in our control to begin with, and we’re just in a really rotten place. Other times, we may have incredibly unrealistic expectations, and our ideal picture is too far out of reach. Most often, it’s a combination of these things. But, if one can be reflective, and then objective, we can start to make some progress towards aligning our reality with our ideal picture.

I would say that the last 24 hours, for me, has been a great deal of doing just that. My ideal picture is one of me and my family on a sailboat, cruising the world, visiting exotic destinations, and everyone enjoying one another. I know, I know…not entirely realistic 🤣 The most vivid reality check I have on hand is my 13 year old daughter. I love her with all my heart, and consider her one of my dearest friends in life. That said, we are completely different people! I’m a minimalist, she finds great comfort in stuff, I like small and manageable, for her the bigger the better, I’m very simple oh, she is extra in every sense of the word! In short, my love for her has always been a sticking point in my ideal picture. She doesn’t necessarily want to leave land. She definitely doesn’t want to sell her childhood home. And where my sense of adventure says “go, try it out”, her gut says “make sure you have something safe to come back to”. While neither of these perspectives is inherently wrong, they certainly don’t blend easily together.

Over the last 24 hours, she and I have spent a great deal of time together.doing something we should ALL do when we disagree with someone: MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ALL THE FACTS AND DON’T ASSUME YOU UNDERSTAND THE OTHER SIDE. After reviewing the symptoms of her reluctance more closely, I’m gaining a better understanding of why she feels the way she does. We’ve been able to talk and I’ve been able to share my excitement to the degree that she is a little hooked on the dream that I have as well. I’m looking for ways to find a boat on which we can all be comfortable, and get the best experience possible, without destroying her comfort and security, (ie trying to keep the house at least until she’s through with school). Should I use the ugly word? COMPROMISE

When we talk about relationships, everyone is aware that trust is a key component of a good relationship. But we often forget it’s the trust is so much bigger than just a matter of fidelity. Trust means that you can put faith in the other person to do the things that you would want done even if you’re incapable of making the decisions for yourself. Trust means that the other person can possess the duality necessary to hold what is dear to them and still uphold what is dear to you. Trust means that you and your feelings are considered in such a way that you never doubt your importance to the other person and you know that you are loved. Trust then, frequently requires compromise. But don’t forget that at the end of compromise, there is “promise”. You can promise to be true to your ideal picture, and also promise to care for the other people in your boat (pun intended ⛵). For me, that means that my ideal picture may still be a little ways off, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t continue to take steps towards it. I know that my daughter loves me enough that she wants to see me happy, and she knows that I love her enough that I don’t want to pull up her world out from underneath her.

So how can I begin to reform my life to make it look more like my ideal picture, while still being mindful about honoring the things, (like family), that really make me who I am? I think it’s important to remember that steps are still steps, no matter how small. I still plan to get on the boat. I still plan to get on the boat soon. So I’m going to do the things that will move me closer to that part of my picture. I’m going through my closet still, paring down my belongings. I am taking care of my health and body, with the hopes that I won’t be near a doctor or hospital, (or had need to be), for a while. But also recognizing that I need to keep this house for at least a few more years, I’m reforming ,(once again), my ideas about how much income I need, and how to obtain it, and changing the way that I talk to my family (and myself) about that ideal picture. It is a matter of when…not if. 😊🌊💗

So, at least for right now… We plan to attempt our first real cruising adventure in a little under 3 months time! Details to follow, as we still have a lot of them to figure out. 🤣 But the most important part is that we’re all committing to honoring our reflections, and working toward reforming our reality to fit our dreams. And while it is difficult to fit multiple dreams into one picture, it is an amazing process to go through, and reveals beautiful results. 💗

More tomorrow about our upcoming trip!!! Until then…

Peace and Blessings,

Mindi